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Humor

             

2000

 

Take a look at this story that was created by Ethel Williams to include the names of all the truck and tractor pullers in our organization.

Note: The names of the vehicles in the WWPA are UNDERLINED AND CAPITALIZED.  Enjoy!

There once was an old hermit named HOWARD'S HOG who lived deep in the woods.  Most of his days were filled with chores caring for his livestock, chopping wood and trapping GROUNDHOG.  One day he awoke in PURE FRUSTRATION and knew it was time for BREAKIN' NEW GROUND.  Right after breakfast, he jumped in the truck and made a STRAIGHTLINER to the nearest town.  Being an OL ALKIE, his first stop was the local bar where he asked the bartender to give him a couple of shots of DAWGS DEMON and then lit up an OL SMOKIE.  He felt THE BIG WAVE when a painted lady slid into the chair beside him and his HOOSIER NIGHTMARE soon began.  "What brings a WILD THING like you to town, stranger?"  she asked?  Poor Howard was so "LOST IN THE 60'S he didn't know what to say.  "Uh, well, I thought I'd GROCERY GETTER, uh, I mean, get some groceries, relax, and maybe have a little fun while I'm in town.  Uh, um.....I'm Howard, what's your name?"  She whispered, "Well I'm known as RAT SASS and if you're the GAMBLER you look like, maybe you'd like to get a LIL OLY and BURY 'EM".  Well by now Howard was feeling like a GREY GHOST and looked a LIL GREEN so he said, "That'd be great.  Maybe that would cure this HEADACHE."  Up in her room, he was DRAGGIN DIRT as he reached his DEEP CYCLE and was soon seeing WHITE CLOUD and BLUE THUNDER.  Suddenly, her husband, GUMBY, burst into the room, screamed GOTTCHA and grabbed him BY A HAIR.  He pounded him, kicked him and flung him out the window but after all, it was just a CREATIVE ILLUSION.

 

2001

 

Take a look at this story that was created by the Tebo's to include the names 

of some of the trucks and tractor pullers in our organization.

Note: The names of the vehicles in the WWPA are CAPITALIZED.  Enjoy!

It  had been weeks of battling and attacks in the rag head territory of Afganistan.  President Bush was on his last attempt of finding a lean mean team of strong men to dominate the Taliban.  The Marines, Navy and Army weren’t gaining any ground. The pressure was on to get  back at Bin Laden and his evil doers.  When all  hope was gone, Americas top military adviser turned to the President and said, “President Bush, we need our Secret Tactic Forces.  We have to call on the WWPA.”

“Who are they?”, asked the President. 

“You mean you have never heard of the WWPA?”, the adviser asked.

“The what?”

“The WE WILL POUND AFGANISTAN Troops.”

Just then the President remembered.  He immediately called the WWPA Hotline.  Now Afganistan is certain to be doomed.  Meanwhile, back at the official WWPA headquarters, Major Nelson receives a presidential phone call.  “HOLY COW!”, yells Nelson as he hears the presidents orders.  He turned to his men and said, “We will leave for Afganistan at once!”  As the men loaded up in the HEAVY HAULER, Captain Saberniak ordered LIL’ ALKIE to stay at his post at headquarters to keep the beer cold.  The WWPA were well on their way to the Far East.

As the troop traveled this long journey Eastward, they had plenty of time to reflect on how Bin Laden and evil doers had an impact on everyone’s lives.  Bin Laden with all his money, had even bought Homelite and now they are SOLID JUNK. 

The troops knew they were getting close because the rough terrain soon turned their HEAVY HAULER into a DIRT DRAGGER.  “We’re gonna have to use THE GATOR to get to the front!”, said Lt. Lawrence.  So they all squeezed in the tiny ATV and away they went to the front.  The ride was rough, and LIL’ OLY’s gun went off into the air.  “JUST ONCE, I wish you would fix that safety switch.”, barked Major Marty.  “You almost shot a hole in my flask, I mean canteen.”

Right through the front line they went, BREAKIN’ NEW GROUND.  “Stop!” yelled Major Marty, “I smell camel shit, 50 feet.  Send in the trained GROUNDHOG  to flush ‘em out.”

Within minutes, Bin Laden’s head popped up right next to private Dozier.  “GOTCHA!”  Mike calmly said with his gun pointed between Ladens eyes.  “Shoot him!” they hollered.  “No,” said Private Mathew, “That’s too quick.  Let’s dispose of his evil followers now. We’ll take Bin Laden back to the U.S. and feed him to HOWARDS HOG on National TV.

On a victorious ride home, the troops wer over whelmed with victory and sang numberous versus of on to of OL' SMOKIE.  The troops were met at the air base by the new MONSTER MASSEY defense system.  It took Bin Laden Away.

It was a celebration of all celebrations.  People cheered as the WWPA got off of the plane.  Others were LIL’ GREEN with envy.  Sergeant Deardurff and Corporal Langlois couldn’t help but to overhear Private Vanderwall telling his loving wife as she hugged and kissed him,  “It wasn’t DANGEROUS DEERE.”

2002

Take a look at this story that was created by Greg Langlois to include the names of truck and tractor pullers in our organization.

 

Note: The names of the vehicles in the WWPA are UNDERLINED.  Enjoy!

One year ago I was planning my retirement so I had a Creative Illusion to invest in stocks called Dangerous Deere, Cheater and Gotcha.  I told my wife it was going to be a Dominator of an investment.  As the year went on the stock started to turn Just Damn Ugly.  It started to become a headache so I thought about Breakin New GroundLil Oly said hang on there's a Green Storm coming and there would be a White Cloud in the horizon.  All of a sudden a strike of Blue Thunder came along and I had to invest in Dawgs Demon.  But, it turned into another Howards Hog and I had another Heartbreker III on my hands.  I got depressed so I turned to Old Alkie realizing I had Solid Junk for stock!  So I decided to tell my wife what I did.  She got All Fired Up and made a Straightliner to the closet to get the Gunslinger.  I thought she was ganna turn me into Ol Smokie but she kicked my Rat Sass and I was Draggin Dirt from then on.  But the bottom line is the Orange Blossom Special said Bury Em and make your living as a professional weed wacker!

2004

A Weedwacker’s Tale -

By Junior Williams

 

Just the other day I was out on OL OLLIE.  It looked like a GREEN STORM the COLOR OF MONEY was coming up.  It was rolling up some BLUE THUNDER, so I started BREAKING NEW GROUND.  I was really DRAGIN DIRT.  I got ALL FIRED UP and put LIL SMOKIE on the road; she is JUST DAMN UGLY, but she runs like a DAWGS DEMON – a real DANGEROUS DEERE.  I got thirty-four more acres ready for some good Unity Seed; that seed is the real RAT SASS.  I got it at a good discount, and everyone thought I was a CHEATER.  I was planting a good STRAIGHT LINER, and I had my head in the WHITE CLOUD; I was really WALKING TALL.  Then came another HEART BREAKER III named ORANGE BLOSSOM SPECIAL.  The whole thing got bad, and I got OL ALKIE.  They burnt the farm to the ground, and I had to BURY EM.  I had a HEADACHE and passed out.  When I awoke, I realized it was all a CREATIVE ILLUSION.